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Thursday, July 16, 2009 03:37 PM
On the Viewer - Warehouse 13 (Pilot)
 by Fëanor

Well, there are definitely some pretty ladies in this show. That's a good start.

Dude got bit by the blood sacrifice statue. You know that's not going to turn out well.

Oh no! The main male character and main female character are secret service agents who don't get along, and disagree on method! But they're forced to work together! I wonder if their work conflict will end in romantic sparks flying? Sigh. Pretty tired, people.

OK, dude with a phaser (played by good old Saul Rubinek) showed up! This just got a little more interesting.

It really pisses me off that the arrogant, womanizing male agent who undermined the authority of the female agent is going to turn out to be right. Blargh.

I was also annoyed that the female agent got her weapon taken away from her and was taken hostage, but then she kicked ass and saved herself, so I'm sort of okay with that now.

Huh. My buddy Rubinek seems to have taken care of the bloody statue. And everybody thinks the prick male agent (whom I suppose I should start calling by his name - Pete Lattimer) is crazy. So that all went well.

Lattimer: "What's that?"
Frederic: "An invitation to endless wonder."
Lattimer: "Okay. Could you sound a little more creepy?"
I think the word you're looking for is "cheesy," not "creepy." Who is she, Willy Wonka? Also, is this dude doing a poor impression of David Boreanaz, or is it just me?

Should I hate the main character? Because I do. I'm also kind of hating the lame soft rock soundtrack.

They have a cow here? Are they trying to bite off Fringe? I think maybe they are, because now the mad scientist/Walter Bishop character has returned: Artie Nielsen. And I have to admit, I like him, for the same reasons I like Walter. He's kooky and funny and has crazy science gadgets. Plus, he's played by Saul Rubinek, who is actually a good actor. I love the thing with the football. "You weren't there when I threw it. It takes a while to circle back." Also, this exchange:

Artie: "I made cookies."
Lattimer: "Ooh!" [runs inside]

Wait, when Artie said, "It takes a while to circle around," did he mean it takes a while to circle around the Earth?

Joanne Kelly, who plays Myka, has a weird thing going on with her eyes. She always looks like she's staring off in slightly the wrong direction. It's kind of disconcerting. Plus she keeps her mouth slightly open all the time.

Yep, the warehouse is very clearly the building from the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

"America's attic?" That's your cool nickname for the place? Sigh.

Artie is describing how these two agents are yin and yang; their opposing qualities combined together are really useful. He might as well just call them Mulder and Scully and be done with it.

Okay, great scene: Lattimer's looking at an old photo of the team. Mrs. Frederic and Artie are in it, looking mysteriously similar to the way they look now, despite all the intervening years. There are also four other guys. When Lattimer asks what happened to them, Artie says, "This one, this one are dead... this one, mental institution in Germany... this one, disappeared. One day I'll find him." That's good stuff.

Myca: "I don't eat sugar." Man, I was on her side at first, but I'm starting to dislike her more than Lattimer now.

The warehouse was opened in 1898. I like that there's so much history to it.

Artie: "Thomas Edison built this automobile as a proof of concept for Henry Ford and it's perfectly safe, trust me." The thing runs on bioelectric energy, but Ford went with oil as the energy source because it ruined engines and people would have to keep buying new cars. Sounds about right.

Looks like this series' MacGuffin will be "tangential energy." It's what makes weird things happen and we don't know how it works!

Artie: "We take the unexplained and we just lock it away in this super-sized Pandora's Box."
Lattimer: "Metaphorically speaking."
Artie: "Well, actually, Pandora's Box is over in aisle 989B. Empty, of course."

A tea kettle that grants wishes. Huh. And now a strange little wriggling wallet just jumped into Myca's purse. No doubt that will cause trouble later.

Impossible wishes produce a ferret! Nice.

Heh. As they're driving through the town, there's a sign at the side of the road that says "LEAVING UNNAMED UNINCORPORATED SETTLEMENT."

Okay, I'll admit, some of the bickering between Myca and Lattimer is pretty funny.

Lena at the B&B is kind of mysterious and seems to know things she shouldn't know. Wonder if she's related to Mrs. Frederic? Anyway, she sure seems to like Lattimer! She says he's "in tune." I assume that refers to his ability to sense when things are right and when they're wrong.

Hmm, so Myca's got Harry Houdini's wallet?

Seriously, Myca's eyes, they're always ridiculously wide open. It's creepy!

Ah, here comes the convo about the family baggage.

I like Artie's steampunk/typewriter-style computer keyboard. They also get two-way steampunk video communicators! Nice.

Artie says he had a run-in with a Mayan calendar, and the two agents who were with him got their clocks stopped. Really? That is some corny stuff right there.

The phaser gun is by Nikola Tesla. Awesome.

Huh. They already found and retrieved Houdini's wallet? I thought that was going to go somewhere. Maybe something got out of the wallet and is still with Myka? Hmm.

Woah, Cody Hulked out! Is this a demon possession or something?

The scene where Cody flipped the table was kind of cool, but why did the local cops have to run in and save the secret service agents? Shouldn't they be trained to deal with stuff like that? You know, so they can fight back and subdue the suspect instead of just cowering in fear together in the corner?

I rather enjoy the complex series of actions Artie has to go through to find a particular spot in the Warehouse. He consults various maps, gets a code number, looks through binoculars, enters the code into a keyboard, jump onto a wire transport system, and then disengages himself at just the right moment.

Oh! Self-immolation! That's cool.

Seriously, Artie needs to get a little go-cart or something. After all these years there's no quicker way to get back to the office from the warehouse floor than walking?

Lattimer is apparently an experienced thief. Huh.

Dickenson: "How did you get in here?"
Frederic: "Through a door."
A tesseract door??

Lattimer's thing about always following his vibes comes into focus. And hey, the ditzy waiter girl wasn't totally off-base after all! He may not be a fireman, but his Dad was.

Lattimer: "Open it."
Myca: "You open it! I don't want another ferret, or whatever."

Cody's godmother is a little creepy. Ah, because she has the artifact, which was hidden inside the book.

Myca's near-death dream = pretty cool.

Woah, hey there Myca! I'm not sure you're supposed to grab an accident victim and just drag him bodily out of the wreck! You could have paralyzed the poor guy!

Ah, so it's all Lucrezia Borgia's fault! Well, her and an alchemist.

This is the kind of party they have for a play opening in Iowa?! Wow. I guess Iowa's a hot, happening place!

Uh oh! She's already transmitting the Borgia virus. My, this is all rather silly.

Myca: "Show's over. Drop the comb thing." Oh, man that's lame.

Lattimer: "Don't look at it, Myca!" I think what you mean to say, Lattimer, is, "Shut your eyes, Myca! Don't look at it, no matter what happens!" And now all the spirit energy rushes back into the container. Somebody definitely saw Raiders of the Lost Ark one too many times.

So, after you dump one of the artifacts in the purple goo, it's safe to just leave them sitting around uncontained on a random shelf in the warehouse? This building seems like a disaster waiting to happen. I mean, it's stuffed to bursting with poorly understood, evil, magical artifacts!

Hey, I thought Edison's car only worked if two people were holding onto the handlebar up front! Now Artie's driving it alone!

Heh. I definitely enjoy the running gag with the football.

Well, I'm not sure how I feel about this one overall. It grew on me as I continued to watch it; there were some funny and clever moments. But the plotting is pretty clumsy, the acting isn't that great (with the exception of Rubinek), and the story and premise aren't particularly imaginative. I might give it one or two more episodes to see if it gets better. But then again I might not.
Tagged (?): On the Viewer (Not), TV (Not), Warehouse 13 (Not)
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