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| Friday, September 21, 2007 10:15 AM |
| Heh 2 |
 by Fëanor |
I was just poking around some archived emails, looking for an address, when I stumbled across the following, and it totally cracked me up. I believe this is something I copied off the Onion a long time ago and then sent around to a few friends; it's probably not legal to repost it here, but I doubt they'll find out, or that they'd care even if they did.
Man Bitten By Radioactive Sloth Does The Lying-Around-All-Day Of 10 Normal Men
CENTRAL CITY—Laboratory assistant Brent Barker, bitten by a radioactive sloth last week in a freak lab accident, now possesses the relative loafing powers of 10 men. "Could someone pass me some more crackers?" asked the media-dubbed "Crimson Lump," speaking from his titanium sofa, the only known object that can withstand his superhuman lethargy. "I can't reach them from here." Scientists are likewise baffled at Barker's uncanny ability to remain motionless while watching amounts of television that would kill an ordinary mortal. |
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